


Covered in bandaids

by liliaeth



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Bathing/Washing, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Episode: s02e10 Fury, Post-Episode: s03e06 Motel California, Post-Season/Series Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-22 18:21:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21306497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liliaeth/pseuds/liliaeth
Summary: Three times Isaac was there for Scott
Relationships: Isaac Lahey & Scott McCall, Isaac Lahey/Scott McCall, Melissa McCall & Scott McCall, Scott McCall & Stiles Stilinski
Comments: 10
Kudos: 104
Collections: Scisaac Week





	Covered in bandaids

Isaac wasn’t quite sure what he was doing at the field. He shouldn’t even care about lacrosse any more. He was strong now, and lacrosse had been something he’d done because his father wanted him to be more like Camden.

Except he actually liked playing the game. And most of all, he liked a certain player. It’s why it was pretty disappointing when Scott didn’t show up for practice.

He wanted to ask Derek if he had a clue where Scott was, but Derek was in one of his moods and well... Isaac knew better than to bother him when he got like that.

It was almost a relief when Scott showed up at school, it was just... Scott had this look on his face… this look of utter defeat. Like the world had fallen apart, and he was managing to keep himself together by the merest strings of pure will.

It wasn’t the Scott that Isaac had gotten to know. Scott was supposed to be the strong one, the one who dared stand up to Derek, and who could care for anyone, even someone like Isaac himself.

He wasn’t supposed to break. It made Isaac want to grab whomever had done it to him, and tear them to pieces.

Isaac slipped next to Scott in their next class. Stiles gave him the stink eye over it, but Isaac really didn’t give a fuck.

Scott looked at him, a bit surprised, before turning away, his eyes moving to his desk.

“So who do I have to kill?” Isaac said, not even entirely sure if he was joking or not.

“Kill? What? No! Nobody needs to be killed.”

“Then what happened?”

Scott didn’t answer. Instead, he grabbed his highlighter and opened his book. When the teacher started talking, he seemed to pretend he was paying attention, but from the way he kept highlighting the same line over and over, Isaac knew he was just trying to avoid the subject.

Isaac kept trying to talk, Stiles kept shushing him. They got through the entire class before Scott finally spoke up. It seemed to take ages. Stiles glared as the others started leaving the class, before moving on. Scott stayed put.

“Don’t kill anyone alright. Nobody needs to die.”

“Then just tell me what happened?”

Scott stared at him in shock. “I…”

“Derek sure as hell isn’t talking. So what happened?”

“Matt, he…he used the Kanima to attack the station.”

“Well that much I knew.”

“My mom was there.”

“Your mom?” Isaac hoped this wasn’t going to lead into another orphan story, because he couldn’t imagine Scott being at school if that were the case. Especially since he’d feel like complete scum if it were the case.

“She saw me.”

Isaac stared at Scott in shock. “Saw? Like?”

“She saw the real me, the monster.”

Holy shit. “Scott. You’re not.”

“You didn’t see the look in her eyes. She saw me, and it horrified her. She saw the monster.”

And for a moment Isaac sat stunned. How could anyone look at Scott and see anything but beauty, human or werewolf face?

The bell rang and Scott got up. Isaac wanted to tell him that he was wrong, that no matter what his mom had said or done, no matter how she reacted, she was wrong. Just like Isaac’s dad had been wrong, to do what he did. No matter how hard it was for Isaac to remember that.

“She’ll get over it. Won’t she?”

Scott closed his eyes. “Maybe. But even if she does, what if she wasn’t wrong? So many people have died since all of this, since I was bitten. What if she’s right?”

“Scott.”

“Allison was scared too, when she first saw me. She got over it, but when she first saw me, all she saw was a monster as well. What if that’s all I am, what if I’m just lying to myself, thinking I could be more than that?”

“Are you saying I’m a monster?” Isaac asked. Scott turned in place.

“No!” the word came out almost guttural.

“Cause that’s what it sounds like.”

“You’re not…”

“I’m like you, Scott. If you’re a monster, then so am I. Am I a monster?”

Isaac put his hand on Scott’s shoulder.

“And if I am, does it matter?”

Scott didn’t answer. Isaac stood there, almost hugging himself. Scott shivered, Isaac felt the quiet sobs before he saw them. He had no idea what to do with them. Comforting people was an alien thing to him.

Scott gave him a quick nod before pulling himself together. Isaac let him.

“Thank you.”

“Go talk to her, Scott, go talk to her.”

When Scott left, Isaac packed up his stuff, Stiles stared at him. Pretending to be angry.

“That was almost nice.”

“I know, right?” Isaac said back.

Stiles grunted and left after Scott.

Isaac wondered if he’d done the right thing. Maybe it would have been better to just bring Scott home, get him away from his human friends and family. But somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to do so. Scott still had a mom. A mom who might be scared of him, but who was still his mom. And as much as Isaac didn’t trust any parent, he couldn’t bring himself to destroy that for Scott; not now, not ever. So instead he put on the mask, pretended nothing could possibly touch him.

It didn’t work.

* * *

Isaac knew he wasn’t worth it.

Not the bed that the McCalls had kindly given him, not the guest room that he was allowed to make his own. Not the shelter over his head. Especially not after what had happened last night.

He remembered his fear, hiding under the bed, while his friends were trying to kill himself. While Scott was trying to kill himself. He looked up, staring at the door, and Scott standing there, wearing nothing but a towel, his wet hair dripping on his shoulders. Wet feet on the floor.

Isaac could still smell the traces of gasoline clinging to Scott’s skin. It lingered underneath his nails, in his hair. Not enough so that a human might notice it, but for a werewolf’s nose, it was unmistakeable.

“Are you alright?” Scott said.

Isaac sat there, staring at the other boy. Scott had been the one to try and kill himself, and here he was asking Isaac if he was fine? Isaac didn’t get it.

“I should have fought it.” He whispered. He remembered his father’s voice, his father’s demands, and that ever unmistakable dread of the freezer. His hands turned into claws just thinking about it. It was as if the walls were coming towards him, pulling ever closer. He closed his eyes, opened them again, staring at the window. He could leave, he could go, at any time he wanted to, he wasn’t locked up. His father was dead. Derek wasn’t…

“Why?”

He was confused at Scott’s question, the gentle tone in his voice, so soft, so unlike anything else in Isaac’s life.

“Why what?”

“Why do you think you could have fought it?” Scott asked. He came closer, and the smell of gasoline hit Isaac like a brick.

“Because you needed me, and I was cowering under my bed.” he answered. It came out louder than he’d meant for it to be.

Isaac didn’t even know how Scott got next to him as quickly as he did. The other boy grabbed his hand and held it. “Isaac.” He tried to look away, but Scott wouldn’t let him.

“Isaac, none of us were able to fight it. None of us.” And Isaac knew that Scott meant himself most of all. That Scott hadn’t been able to fight it. It horrified Isaac, smelling the evidence of Scott’s failure to fight it, clinging to Scott’s skin.

“But…” They stood closer than should be comfortable; like if for a moment, personal space didn’t mean a thing to either of them.

“Do you know how happy I am, that after everything, that after all you’ve been through, all the mess you faced, that even after all that, you still had the strength to fight it?”

Isaac tried to see it like Scott did, but he just couldn’t. If he had been able to resist it, then he would have been with Stiles and Allison and Lydia, when Boyd needed his help, when Scott had needed him.

“ To resist when we, when I … I just.” Scott had always been shorter than Isaac, but somehow, even despite that, he usually seemed sort of larger than life, except for now. Now, he looked small, and broken. And it felt wrong.

“Scott?”

Scott pulled away and stared at the window, his hands tucked in the towel as if clinging on to something. They stared out at the moon, the cold night air. Isaac wanted that closeness back, Scott looked like he was freezing.

“But it was just the Darach right. Boyd said he can barely even remember what happened, just his memories of Alicia and then everything went black.” He wasn’t even sure how he’d ended up under the bed, just that he felt the need to get away, to hide.

“Is that what happened to you?” Scott’s words broke through the fog, and Isaac desperately tried to remember.

“I don’t know. I remember my Dad, being scared of what he’d do… and then Stiles was there with the torch.” From one second to another, the fog had lifted, and he’d had no idea what had happened, or what he’d done.

Scott nodded, as if Isaac had confirmed something for him..

“What about you? What did she use against you?”

Scott didn’t answer. Isaac stared at Scott’s naked back, at the tattoo circling his upper left arm. He wanted to trace it with his fingers, but didn’t dare approach him.

“Derek, I guess.” There was doubt in Scott’s words. As if he was trying to figure it out himself.

“But Derek wasn’t your fault, that was the Alpha Pack.” The fight had gone so damn fast. Scott’s attempt to talk peace with Deucalion, and Derek screwing it all up by showing up, looking for a fight. Not that Isaac believed for a second that the Alphas had wanted peace, they’d gone too far, done too much for that. They wanted Derek dead, and Isaac prayed that the Alpha was fine, for all their sakes.

“It’s all my fault,” Scott whispered. It was hard to see Scott like that. He usually hid his feelings behind smiles and puppy eyes. It was hard to remember just how much pain Scott tended to cover up behind a brave face.

Isaac wasn’t sure what to say. It felt weird, Scott being weak like this. It wasn’t like him, but maybe that was part of the problem.

“If I hadn’t gone out into the woods with Stiles, if Peter hadn’t bitten me,” Scott continued.

“Then the asshole would have attacked someone else.” The answer came to Isaac almost matter of fact, and he realized he wasn’t wrong.

Scott startled at that. Isaac remembered asking Derek why Scott wasn’t in their pack. Derek told him how Peter had bitten Scott, and unlike Derek, he hadn’t been the type to take no for an answer.

“Oh come on, Scott. Derek told me about Peter. Peter would have bitten someone, no matter who he ran into. With my luck, he’d have found me next instead. And I wouldn’t have had the strength to stand up to him, like you did.”

Isaac had been out that night, too, working in the graveyard. All it would have taken was for Peter to run just the right way, and Isaac would have been where Scott was, with an alpha even less likely to consider kindness than Derek had.

“Isaac, I don’t think…”

“Don’t tell me I could have fought him, Scott. You know me. I’m… I’m a follower, I like being a follower. I like having someone to tell me what to do. If he’d pressed a bit, I’d have given in, and then before you know it, he’d have thrown me at the Argents to cover his own escape.”

Scott didn’t answer, his nose bunched up. Almost as if he were fighting the urge to sneeze.

“You need another shower.” The words came out before Isaac even realized what he was saying.

Scott glared at that, before he sniffed himself with a disgusted look on his face.

“How many have you had?” Isaac asked.

“Three?” It was clear from Scott’s reddened skin that he’d tried to scrub off the stench.

“Damn. Come on.” He grabbed Scott’s hand and dragged him to the master bathroom. Away from the shower this time. Scott didn’t even fight as Isaac made him take off the bath towel, as Isaac started filling the bath. For the first time since Isaac knew him, Scott looked his age. It was hard to remember at times that Scott was slightly younger than him. Not when he always seemed to have all the right answers. Isaac ordered Scott into the tub and used the shower head to rinse every part of the other boy. Not that it would make much of a difference, with how much Scott had showered already, if any of the traces were to come off like that, they ought to be long since gone.

He opened the tap, letting the water drop on his fingertips, before letting it pour. Scott sat still, his feet flat on the bottom, his hands between his legs, looking almost shy. Isaac tried not to stare as he soaped him up. Scott barely even mumbled a protest when Isaac’s hands moved under the water, coming too close to private parts for both their comfort. Melissa had some bath oils and essential lotions standing on the side of the bath, and Isaac generously poured in both of them. The smell of them steamed up, creating a soft cloud around them.

Isaac almost blushed at his own daring. But Scott… Scott was quiet. So damn quiet.

“What I don’t get is why Stiles even had to talk to you. I mean, the wolfsbane should have been gone as soon as you lit that torch. Right?”

Scott shivered; Isaac increased the heat. He’d always preferred it to be almost scorching. He didn’t want Scott to be cold. Scott didn’t cry, he was too strong for that. Isaac’s fingers brushed through Scott’s hair, the curls forming even in the short hair, with the gel gone.

“Scott…”

“Why _did_ Stiles have to talk you down?”

Scott didn’t’ answer, but his silence spoke volumes that Isaac didn’t want to know, volumes that Isaac wanted to remove from existence. He scrubbed harder, and when tears fell from Scott’s eyes, he pretended it was pain. They both knew it wasn’t.

“It wasn’t your fault either. None of it.”

“Don’t tell my mom. Please don’t tell her.” Isaac tried to think of Melissa, how she’d react if she found out Scott wanted to die. How she’d react if she found out Isaac knew and hadn’t told her. But he could see the look on Scott’s face, the fear, because she might reject him again, because she might get scared again.

“I can’t burden her, I’ve done enough to her,” Scott whispered instead.

Isaac’s hands turned to claws, the anger raging through him at Scott’s pain, pain he wanted to take, but couldn’t, it wasn’t physical. Instead, he grabbed a shampoo bottle and poured almost half of it over Scott’s head and back. Rubbing till the stench of gasoline was gone. Knowing the memory would remain.

******

Isaac stared at his reflection in the screen in front of him, the blue glare staring back at him. He closed his eyes, unsure what to do or say, making sure no one saw him for what he really was. When he saw Scott standing next to Chris he almost ran up to the Alpha, desperate for Scott’s touch. Scott’s scent still drew him as much as it had when he left. Scott smelled of blood, unhealed wounds.

Scott always had a tendency to let the pain linger, as if it reminded him he wasn’t worthy. Isaac had never known how to tell him how wrong he was, how truly worthy Scott was of everyone’s belief in him.

Scott was dressed in leather, looking like a man, a fighter, rather than the joy-loving teen he’d pretended to be back in highschool. There was a note of softness still in how he moved, like he was careful not to look threatening. It made Isaac feel safe, even now.

Derek was waiting for them by the car. Even wearing the same kind of clothes he’d worn when Isaac first met him, there was something changed about him. It wasn’t until Isaac came closer that he realized what it was. Derek was smiling. It felt weird, out of place. It wasn’t a creepy smile, or a fake flirty smile. Instead it was a full bodied smile, as if Derek had found his place to belong. Isaac had to swallow at the sight of it.

Isaac knew he should be happy for the older man, but part of him wanted to yell at him, and tell him to stop smiling already. It was freaking him out.

Scott talked about Monroe, the fight. Some young beta him and Chris had managed to save who’d recently joined the pack. He looked so damn strong. Isaac wondered if the others were so used to it that they didn’t even notice that Scott was kept together by a string of bandaids, probably the kind covered in Disney figures. Too used to them to see them, to even remark on them anymore.

Maybe it helped that Isaac had been gone for so long, that he had an outsider’s perspective.

It was as good an excuse for why he’d stayed away as long as he had as any other.

They went off to eat at some place that Scott recommended, a Mexican place he’d discovered after Isaac left. Scott drank a soda while Isaac tried to get some wine. He’d almost forgotten his age until the bartender asked for his ID. In the end he had to go for a juice.

Chris handled most of the conversation. Scott listened quietly as Chris asked Isaac about the family, about his training, what things had been like back at the family estate. Isaac went along with it, since it was better than silence.

Anger would have been easier to handle than Scott sitting there, smiling, as if everything was just perfectly fine, and Isaac had been gone for a few days rather than years.

Isaac had wanted to stay in a motel room, but Chris wouldn’t let him. He told him that there was a room for him at Chris’ new place. The place Chris now shared with Melissa.

Isaac hadn’t been sure how to say no. He’d gotten used to his privacy.

“He could stay at my place,” Scott said

“Your place?”

“My Mom’s old house. We still have some of your stuff there.”

Isaac sat stunned; he’d figured they’d have long since thrown out anything he’d left behind.

When Chris dropped him off at the old McCall place, Scott arrived on his bike. It could almost feel like old times, if it weren’t for the fact that they were older, and the new bike was far fancier and way more expensive than Scott’s old dirt bike had been. Scott pulled out his keys and opened the door. The place was dark inside, a lot of the old pictures were gone. Melissa had probably taken them when she moved in with Chris.

The furniture was the same. He figured that Chris had bought new stuff for their place, while Melissa had left the old ones for Scott. The place was a bit dusty, but otherwise it seemed almost untouched.

“I’m sorry, I haven’t been home for a few weeks.” Scott said as he turned on the lights and headed up to the fridge. “I’ll have to go shopping for groceries if we’re staying around for the rest of the week.

All so pleasant, so understanding. It’d be oh so simple, if it weren’t for the fact that Isaac could see Scott’s cringe as he reached over to check the cabinets for some coffee

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Scott stared at him, Isaac tensed up. “For what?” Scott asked. Scott got some cups out of the cupboard, rinsed them in the sink, and made them some coffee.

“For staying away, for coming back like this.” Isaac said.

“It’s fine.”

But it wasn’t fine, how could it possibly be fine?

And Scott was so damn calm, his feelings all pushed down, ever the steadfast Alpha. And it burned, knowing that Scott felt that was what he had to be. The big strong Alpha who looked after everyone else. Who had to push down his anger, his fears, his doubts…

And Isaac had been gone so damn long.

“Aren’t you angry with me?”

“For what?”

Part of him wondered if that stung even more. If Scott had been angry, then didn’t that mean that Isaac leaving had mattered? If Scott were pissed with him, didn’t that mean that he’d missed him? But if everything was just perfectly fine, that what did that say about them? That he was just some friendly stranger? Who could arrive and leave without it making one bit of a difference.

“For leaving you, for abandoning you;” he spelled it out.

“You lost Allison.” So fucking calm, so fucking compassionate for everyone else except to himself. Isaac barely managed to keep himself from hitting the wall..

“So did you!” he yelled, throwing the cup to the floor.

“Isaac!” Scott still didn’t yell, he just stared at the damage, the coffee splattering the wall, the shards.

“You lost her, and then I left, and I stayed gone. Why aren’t you pissed at me?”

Isaac screamed the words, and Scott…Scott just looked sad.

“What good would it do?”

“What good?” Isaac almost choked on the dismissal. “It would mean it mattered, damn it.”

Scott stared at him, his calm brown eyes staring at him in sympathy.

Isaac turned away from him, wishing he could just leave and throw the door closed behind him. But he couldn’t, not with the fight they were preparing for.

He was so damn angry, at himself, at Scott, at everyone. When Scott touched his shoulder, he turned around and roared at the Alpha, blue eyes shining in the shade.

Scott stared at him with wide open mouth. “Isaac.”

“I’m sorry, Scott, I’m so sorry;”

He expected Scott to throw him out, to get pissed. But Scott didn’t, he just pulled him close. It only made Isaac angrier as he broke free

“I killed someone! I killed a boy. Why aren’t you angry?” Why don’t you just rage and roar? Why are you like this? But he didn’t say that last part.

“Why did you do it?” Scott didn’t even look surprised, or disappointed, just patient. Isaac stared at the shards. He checked under the sink and the duster was still there, he started to clean up his mess. The shards reminded him of his Dad, how his father had gotten angry at him. He hated how much he was like the man, when he’d never wanted to be.

“He was… he was bitten, and bleeding, bleeding dark black blood. And I had to and…”

“Oh, Isaac.” And he wanted Scott to kick his ass, but the Alpha didn’t. He just knelt next to him, helping him clean up the mess. It only made the smell of blood more noticeable.

“Scott what’s going on here?” Isaac turned to him, their faces mere inches apart.

“What do you mean?” Scott flinched. It was the first real reaction he had.

“Why aren’t you healing?” Isaac could see the bloodstain spreading under Scott’s shirt.

“I don’t know what you…” Scott pulled his jacket tighter around him, covering himself up.

“Don’t lie to me, Scott.”

“I’m not…” But he was.

“I don’t know how you get away with lying to Derek, or Chris, or even Stiles… But I know better.”

“Isaac…”

“Those aren’t fresh wounds, that blood, it stinks. What’s going on, Scott?”

“I … I can’t.” Scott got up, moved away from him.

“Why? Because you have to be strong? Because you have to be the Alpha? When did that ever work?” Isaac got to his feet as well, throwing the stone shards into the bin, grabbing a rag to clean up the coffee stains.

“Isaac.” Isaac felt like his heart beat ten times faster whenever Scott said his name. He didn’t mention it.

“It didn’t work for Derek. And it doesn’t work for you. Talk to me, Scott? Why aren’t you letting yourself heal?”

Scott stared at him, almost in awe.

“Isaac.”

“Why? Do I have to tell Stiles, your mom? Derek? Would you tell them?” Because Isaac would, it if meant Scott finally getting the help he needed.

“No!” Scott pulled up his shirt, showing the burned scar of multiple bullet wounds. The wound that had just opened up again.

‘I deserve it,” Scott whispered, as he pulled his shirt back down. Isaac stopped him. Staring at the wounds, trying to find something to take care of them.

“For what?” He just didn’t get it, Scott’s guilt, Scott’s tendency to blame himself for everything… Isaac would never get it. Scott wasn’t like him, he’d done nothing wrong.

“They died.”

“Well yeah, that’s why Monroe needs to be stopped.”

“No…” Scott seemed small. “People keep dying, humans, supernaturals, people keep getting hurt, losing loved ones. One leading to the other, and I can’t end it. I can’t make it stop.”

“And who says you have to?”

“All of them!” It was the first time since Isaac had arrived that Scott raised his voice, his eyes flashing red as he did so, his control teetering on the edge.

Isaac stood stunned. “Scott…”

“I keep telling people we’re not monsters, that we’re just werewolves. But sometimes I wonder, where’s the difference? What If I’m just lying to myself, and people keep getting hurt because of me. What if Monroe is just a symbol of everyone I’ve failed?”

“Scott.”

“I’m supposed to be a hero, but I keep failing the people who look to me for protection. Monroe, you… people keep getting hurt, and nothing I do is ever enough.

Isaac remembered being a kid, how he’d scratched the freezer till his fingers were bleeding. How sometimes he’d steal one of his Dad’s razors, cutting into his legs, as if hurting himself would be better than to be hurt. Better to control it, than to have it happen.

“But you didn’t fail me, Scott. I failed you.”

“No.”

“Yes I did. Why aren’t you angry with me? You’re so angry with yourself, why aren’t you angry with me?”

“Because it isn’t your fault.” And where there had been anger before, suddenly there was a sense of emptiness. Sadness, grief, loss, aimed at Isaac, but no forgiveness for himself.

“Then why is it yours?”Isaac dared to ask.

“I…”

‘You’re just one man, Scott. Human, werewolf, Alpha… you’re just one man. To think you’re responsible for everything, do you know how arrogant that is? And I know if there’s one thing you’ve never been, it’s that.”

Scott stared at him with wide open mouth.

“You didn’t used to be this direct.” Scott sounded almost like his old self. But then, how often had Scott’s old self been a mask to begin with?

“Well I didn’t used to hang around hunters, having to prove myself day in and day out.” Scott looked at him, as if trying to figure out a hidden meaning

“Did they...?” So damn protective, of everyone else.

“They didn’t hurt me. I didn’t break the code.” I didn’t hurt innocents, even the boy hadn’t been his fault, he was already dying, all he’d done was spare him the pain. And still he couldn’t help but feel guilt over it. But then he wasn’t Scott, he deserved the guilt.

“I missed you.” They stood a few feet apart, separate even in the same room. And Isaac wondered, who was supposed to take the next step?

“I missed you too, Scott. I missed you more than anything.”

“So what now? Are you staying?” There was so much hope lingering in Scott’s voice.

Isaac knew he should say no. He couldn’t.

“I’m home.”

He prayed it was enough. The smell and sound of Scott’s wounds slowly knitting back together was all the answer he got.

The End


End file.
